The feeling of getting used to....

I have been proud of getting over the feeling. I remembered when I was 20. I cried a river just because of the depression of having someone to love and love you back. Those were the days of lonely sleepless nights and dried tear pillows. I guess perspectives change as we grow older. For some it could be a fear of getting hurt again that’s why they turn away from commitments. To many, it could be because of the excuse “busy days are here and always” or “too many boys, too little time” or it could be that familiar line, “I don’t know how it feels anymore.”

I’d say the second and the third, I can adapt to. Ok, here is the story. I met a guy and I’m certain that this is not the first time our paths crossed. The reaction was reciprocal. We both smiled and probably were thinking of a nice pick up line at the back of our heads. And so he goes, “We’ve met before, haven’t we?” Yes, I have met the guy before but time lapse says I don’t recall his name anymore. I had a nice talk with this guy. It’s very rare nowadays to meet a sensible person to talk to. (or was I meeting the wrong people everytime?)

He sent me messages and even asked why I haven’t returned any of his calls. I’d say I’m busy with work. Yes, I’ve been spending extra hours at work but this excuse worked well to kinda keep the guy since he is a good conversationalist. In other words, I like him. So what’s my dilemma if you may ask. The problem is…I don’t think I’m ready for a commitment. This is the time that I can tell myself proudly that I don’t need someone in my life right now…and to top it all…I think it’s partly because I don’t miss having someone or dating out, I got so used to it, not expecting someone and now….I don’t know how it feels to have a commitment. So what do I tell my stone cold heart? I know this is not much of a problem… I just feel scared looking at how my hunger for love died...