Dad and Me

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Celebrate">http://www.imeem.com/youngtom/music/NrRECRK6/ruben-studdard-celebrate-me-home/">Celebrate Me Home - Ruben Studdard“Bakit pag anak ka at kinalimutan ka ng pamilya mo…sa huli nakabuntot pa rin sayo ang responsibilidad bilang anak. Naisip ko lang na unfair din pala maging anak.”

It’s been a while since the last time I saw any member of my family. Well, it wouldn’t be called broken if we’re together. This morning I got a message from my sister, “Dad is having a heart surgery now.” I felt sad. A couple of days ago, we were exchanging messages, asking me how I was. My usual answer is, “Ok lang, surviving.” But there is another reason why I felt sad. I wasn’t feeling anything towards the situation. I felt like I was the most ungrateful son and the numbest person in the world to not feel anything.

There has to be a reason why. I started looking and recollecting childhood memories with my dad….I couldn’t remember any. I cried, for the things I remembered were just haunting memories in the past and it felt bad not having the courage to see him. I’ve asked myself, “Bakit kung kelan nagkaayos na kami and now that he understood how I feel, bakit ngayon pa ako hindi naging ready.” The only thing that gives me peace right now is the thought that he understands. I have never been so peaceful just knowing that he understands. I ended up sending him messages after the operation, “Dad, I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to come now….but I’m praying hard for you and I’ll come visit you soon. Thank you for understanding my decision. Thank you for knowing what I have been going through. Mahal ko po kayo.” Ayun bumaha na ng luha sa unit ko. Parang isang libong drama episodes ang napanood ko to have cried all day.

Naisip ko lang, “minsan unfair maging anak, papaiyakin ka ng mga taong mahal mo pero sa huli hindi mo pa rin sila kayang kalimutan. Kahit pa nga ilang beses ka nila iniwan…..anak ka pa rin hanggang sa huli.”

I’m visiting my dad home.